This beautiful young lady is FIVE!!! I can't even believe it. She's just my little girl. And 5 is such a milestone because she's the age she will be when she goes to kindergarten! When Allie and Det turned 5 they were so independent and Kendall is still just our little girl! She's such a sweetheart! She had a super fun princess party at Kelly's. THANK goodness she was willing to step in for me so that Kendall would get a party because I could not have done it!
She got this purse with a K on it for her birthday. Inside was a fun pass to Boondocks. Once again, thank goodness for Dave so Kendall's birthday was not a total bust. He came home early and took her to Boondocks for the day. She was in heaven!!! They stayed and played for several hours and Kendall is still talking about it.
I loved that most every picture Dave sent me she was hanging on tight to her purse. Though I have to admit, I haven't seen it since;)
Sometimes it feels counter-productive to get the kids dressed all nice and then taking them to Chuck-a-Rama. But, it is Thanksgiving and I like them to look nice. The Chuck-A-Rama crowd is not too bad, I only saw one guy in sweats (Jeremy).
We had a pretty fun day and the kids loved every second. They were only mad when we got home at 530 and the day was over. They thought for sure we were going somewhere else. After dinner we went and saw Frozen. It was so cute and the kids all loved it.
On the coldest (not quite wettest) football game of the season, Dave took Det along with him to watch the BYU games. Detmer was so excited. He had on jammie pants, shorts, warm-up pants, jeans and on top he had long sleeves, short sleeves, sweatshirt, coat, and poncho. It snowed for much of the game but Det didn't even care! He was a hard core fan and stayed past the bitter end. BYU won by several touchdowns, which Det loves, so he enjoyed all the rising and shouting. Since it was the last home game they presented the seniors with their blankets afterward, which Det wanted to stay for. He even wanted to stay and high five the players as they ran back in! Dave said the stadium was nearly empty by the time they left. Of course being a blow out freezing cold game most people had long since left. Det was disappointed he didn't get to high five the players at the end, but he loved the game and I can't believe how much he loved it even with the freezing cold! I think it may be time to get someone his own season ticket!
We are so proud of this awesome guy. When I went to his parent/teacher conference his Chinese teacher told me he's one of the best students she has! He works so hard!!!
For Allie's birthday one of her gifts was Selena Gomez tickets. Last week the concert FINALLY came!!! Allie and I had so much fun! I had to pick her up from dance and head straight there, she even had to change in the car. We went to dinner and got to the concert with about a half hour to spare. You could take instagram pictures and if you used...the correct...hash...tag your picture could show up on the big screen. So to kill the time we took pictures and tagged them. I had Dave put Instagram on my phone right when I got it, but then I forgot about it. Once I opened it to see if I could figure out how to use it and Kendall has posted a pic to my account of something super lame. Still, it made it all the more frustrating that Kendall had done that on accident and when I went to do pictures at the concert I could not figure it out. I had to go ask some teenage girls sitting in front of me for help. #stupidtechnology Allie loved the concert and hardly sat down. She mostly danced. Which is what I would have liked to have done, except most people around me were sitting down so I had to stay seated, but they could see over Allie's head!
My kids. They were SO cute at Halloween. They each had their costumes planned since about August. Maci wanted to be Piglet. That's fine. Except her Piglet outfit is about two sizes two small. And it's not the cute. Definitely not as cute as her candy corn witch costume. Plus I will never get over hearing her say, "I was a little witch." I basically tricked her into being a little witch. Worth it.
The kids loved trick-or-treating. They lasted longer than ever before. When they got tired, they wanted to go home, but not as much as they wanted to keep getting more candy. It was a tough situation.
We had a great Halloween, with lots of fun activities.
Except Kendall's gray tooth at Black Island Farms.
^^^This lil beauty is what we refer to as Maci's "uniform". She wears it like it's her job. The second we get home she changes into it. Some mornings when she wakes up before me she has it on before I can stop her and so I occasionally give in and let her wear it. The other day she said, "what should I wear when I get home from church?" I said, "your uniform?" The second we walked in the door from church she's all "uuuuniforrrmmm uuuuuuniforrrrrmmmm." She coudn't find it and I guess she figured she's worn it enough it should know the sound of her voice. So a few minutes later she comes to me and says, "Mom, here's the deal. I couldn't find uniform so I put this on instead." It was so hilarious I'm trying to get her to say "here's the deal" again because the way she said it was so funny! I finally had to put my foot down about uniform because it is just getting too cold for her to walk around in what should be a shirt but she uses it for a dress.
She is such a sweetie pie! We are so lucky to have her. Tonight when Grandpa came over she said, "when's your surgery?" It's amazing the things kids pick up on! She is the most chill and mellow thing ont he planet, which is 99% because of her 2 fingers that she sucks. Dave tries to get her to stop but I think she should get to do it until the age of 5. It definitely needs to last through the "terrible two's" which have for sure not been terrible. I was reading in my personal journal the other day about when she was a baby and while I didn't flat out say how awful she was I'd say, "you sure like to be held!" "You're definitely the most high maintenance baby we've had!" You know, in a nice mom way. But she sure has made up for those baby years. She's so much fun. Last night Dave went to a late movie and I let her stay up the entire time he was gone. She finally fell asleep in my bed after 11. She can pretty much get whatever she wants! So grateful, so blessed, and so so lucky to have her!
My little Kendall is so awesome and I'm not afraid to admit it;) I have had several, like probably at least ten if I counted, mom's come up and tell me how much their kid loves Kendall and that Kendall is their kids "best friend". A couple months ago a gal that works in the gym daycare was telling me that a mom was asking her who Kendall's mom was and she had been inquiring for awhile. When I finally figured out who it was I told her I'm Kendall's mom and she said Kendall is the only reason her daughter will come to the gym. I've actually had that happen multiple times. Like the other day when I was walking on the street and my friend stops and says, "YOUR Kendall's mom? I have been wondering because my daughter talks about Kendall non-stop. Every morning when she wakes up she says, 'I hope Kendall is there today!'" A lot of mom's of babies have told me, too, how much Kendall will spoil and play with their baby. Even the daycare workers have told me she loves to soothe the baby's. The other day a daycare worker told me how Kendall went around and grabbed all the kids by the hand and proceeded to play games with them. When I got there she said, "Mooom! I wasn't done teaching school yet!"
When we went to Black Island Farms a couple weeks ago a kid pushed her down the slide. She came running to me covered in blood. I could tell it was coming from her mouth but once I cleaned it up it didn't look too bad. Her lip was so fat and swollen she didn't even look like herself. She had a hard time eating for several days and still can't use her front teeth for biting. Of course a couple days after the incident I notice the damage we are left with: a gray tooth. It has turned more and more gray and it's pretty dark. I can't remember if Detmer's ever got that dark. But since I have already done the gray tooth thing I knew not to take her to the dentist. I'm really hoping she gets the white back but that is just my vanity.
Kendall and Maci love playing together. We get home from the gym and they start in on one of their "games" and I barely see or hear from them. They constantly say, "Mom" and I say "what?" And they scuss me and are like, "Mom, we were NOT talking to you. WE are playing kids and Maci is my mom." ("Kendall do you want to be the honey and I'm the mom.")
She is getting STOKED for her birthday. I can't BELIEVE she's going to be five!!! I'm dying that she starts kindergarten next year. I mean, I realize this school year is still fresh but any day now the kindergarten registration is going to come and I"m going to be sick!!! I love her so much! She is so fun and loving. We get kisses and hear, "I love you" all day long!
We had such a fun vacation to New Mexico. My favorite part was cleaning out the van afterwards and finding that Allie had made two journal entries. One on the way there, one on the way back. They were hilarious! I loved reading what she thought of the trip. Needless to say, they had a blast.
Detmer and Geddy who, according to Allie's journal, is the "fiesty one" "he jumps up on you and licks you all over the face and sometimes in the mouth!" Yep. Geddy is the fiesty one, who Giff claims "wouldn't hurt a fly" but drew blood on four of us! She aint little, that one.
She's what led this little stink to spend all her time on the table. I was hoping they would get used to the dogs, but they wouldn't, so everytime they came out Geddy would jump on them and they would say "put me on the table, put me on the table!" Kendall would stay off of it for small increments but not my Mace! She was in the bedroom with the door closed or on the table.
My most precious friend Ashley lives in NM so we got to go visit her while we were there!
And these two little ones totally hit it off. On the drive back to Giff's from Ashley's, Kendall says, "Now there's THREE boys I want to marry: Emmett, Kyle AND Bryce."
After we went to the kids favorite arcade "Itz" I let them have their treats in the back of Giff's truck, which they think is the coolest thing ever.
We went to this place called Tinker Town that the kids loved and especially love that Giff bought them goody bags (he spoiled them so much!!!). According to Allie's journal entry, it was definitely one of the highlights.
This little Rumor is the dog that the kids loved most and the poor little dog was pretty terrified of all those hands. Kendall and Maci about died when they saw Rumor wearing this little hoody!
I've mentioned before I don't love journaling or blogging but I do love the aftermath of being able to look back and remember all these moments. I know several people who are too overwhelmed to start a blog or journal because they have not been doing it since the day they were married, or the day their first kid was born. But recording something is so much better than having nothing. Even if you don't start until your kids are grown-life is full of so many experiences! I always say that would be the one benefit of starring in my own reality TV show, I wouldn't ever have to forget these moments.
And some I may want to forget, but they are funny later.
I went and got my phone at 3:28 and had several missed calls from the school. Crap. I called back and got voicemail (is it still called that?). So I hurried to get the girls ready so we could just head to the school. Allie has dance at four on Thursdays so I had to grab her stuff or she would never make it on time. When we're finally heading out the door my phone rings again and just as I suspected, it's Allie. Through her tears she told me she can't find Detmer and he may have taken the bus home with his friend, even though he wasn't supposed to do that til tomorrow. Allie knew she had dance and couldn't be late but she was too concerned about her brother to even realize it. So glad they have each other.
Called the friends mom, no bus yet, but she'll let me know. We had already discussed the possibility of playing today but Det's friend couldn't because he had a birthday party.
Finally (like three minutes later) she calls to let me know, yep, Det got off the bus and came home with Rudy. These two are best friends in the world and they'd rather play together than do almost anything else including, I guess, go to a birthday party because as it turned out Det knew they were playing tomorrow but Rudy said, "eh, just come anyway." Guess we'll be having some talks on peer pressure. Which I knew long before now.
So we get Allie to dance, accidently offer to keep Det's friend for the night, realize Det will be at soccer for an hour, go get another friend to come to soccer and keep first friend company. Take K and M to park to play with friend, bring them home afraid it's like an hour past when I was supposed to pick Allie up at dance (got chatting of course). Realized I don't have to leave for twenty minutes, Kendall and Maci freak out and start screaming at me (Kendall pulls out the classic, "I don't like you!") So I put them in the van without buckling them and start driving. They start freaking out about why didn't I buckle them so I tell them, "well. This way, I can go to jail." "NOOOO!" They're really wailing now. And I told them, "well, you guys don't like me so I think I will go to jail and maybe make some new friends. Someone will cook all my meals, I can take naps, and don't worry, you guys can come visit." "NOOOOO MOM! WE DO LIKE YOU!!!" (So it just takes threatening to go to jail to get her to remember that.) And it's never a good time of day when you start joking about going to jail, but then you think about it, and you're like, "hmm would it really be so bad") And now I've traumatized my girls for life. But if I have to I'm definitely willing to make that threat again;)
As everyone (except my Dad because his phone forgot to remind him) knows, yesterday was my birthday. For the most part it was a pretty fun/funny day.
THINGS THAT WERE NOT FUNNY
*Maci waking up the whole household having peed the bed.
*Dave eating my dessert.
THINGS THAT WERE FUN/FUNNY
*Going with Dave to Boondocks. We got the unlimited fun pass and did everything. We bowled three games (bowling is so fun, but not for what the kids these days are charging. Back in my day it was a cheap date!). Dave had one game where there were only FOUR pins he didn't knock down the whole time. It just made me feel really fortunate, on my birthday even, to be married to such a talented man.
*I didn't think the kids would know it was my birthday even though we've been talking about it. About a half hour after everyone got out of bed Kendall came out of her room yelling "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!!" I thanked her then all the kids followed suit and gave me a hug. Then Kendall said, "Mom, you didn't say it to me. Happy _____" So I'm all "Happy Birthday". "No, Mom. Happy tumbling! I start tumbling today." Which is the only reason she remembered my birthday, it was the mark of the first day of tumbling. (I had to FORBID her today from asking "what day is tumbling again?") She's been looking forward to starting tumbling for so long, I wanted to videotape her the whole way there so I would never forget how her whole body bounced with anticipation.
*Allie and Det made me the cutest cards. And it had money in it. MONEY! That's like the most priceless treasure they have and they each put money in their card. Det a two dollar bill and Allie one dollar.
*After our date at Boondocks we picked up the kids and on the drive home Dave told them to each say two things they love about Mommy. Maci went first and Kendall whispered two things for her today (PS. today Maci invited a new friend to the park who is a couple weeks older than her. Mace was trying to chat with new friend and she came over to me and whispered, "that girl talks like a baby".) Det said, "she takes us fun places like Get Air" and I can't remember the second one dangit! Allie was so stressed out you'd thought she was taking the MCAT orally. She was like, "Okay um which two things should I pick there's just SO many." She eventually settled on, "she always listens to my problems and she helps me get ready for school." Meanwhile she was getting teary eyed. It was an emotional process. Kendall said, "I love her. And she takes us places." Dave said, "I love her because she's so much fun," Allie interjected, "that was one of the things I was going to say!" then Dave gave a nice birthday speech about how fun I am and how he likes to kiss me. I love them!
*When we got home I said, "this is the best birthday ever because all my hopes and dreams came true. When I was a little girl all I wanted by the time I turned 32 was a handsome husband, three beautiful daughters, and an awesome son." Allie looked at me, shocked. "Really?" She asked. "Yes." I told her, because while I might not have been so specific I did want a housefull of children and a hot husband. Allie said, "well then Mom. Be prepared. Cause you're getting TWO more boys." She is hoping/praying/wishing we will have twin boys (nope, not pregnant, and they've been talking like this since Maci was about a week old). Detmer got all mad. "NOOOO! I have to be the only boy!" Haha! I know he won't always feel that way so I'm glad he does now. And why does he? Because his awesome dad spoils him and makes him feel so special for being the only boy.
*This wasn't on my birthday but I must add it. I was making dinner on Sunday and I burned my thumb so bad I'm surprised I did not have to have it amputated. I was incredibly irritated after that because I wanted Dave to help me since I only had the use of one hand, but he had to do a bunch of important stuff like check his email. So I was twice as mad as I would have been and Allie brought me this picture, complete with the pulsating burned thumb and the pan I burned myself on.
I would love for this post to have pictures of how fabulous my kids were on the first day of school but my piece of crap computer deleted them:( They were sooo cute, even Kendall and Maci were so excited about first day of school clothes. Allie is normally not a clothes type of a gal, but she was in love with her high top converse. Then when I showed her what she was wearing on the first day she was so excited and kept saying it was the best outfit ever and she loved it so much. It made me happy because heaven knows I spent hours putting it together. They are so awesome!!!
So on Monday we had this stupid back to school morning thing where we signed up for stuff-making the first morning even more chaotic than usual and I don't think anyone thought it was a good idea. Then I went to work out and I got the worst work out ever because I couldn't stop wondering how Allie and Det were doing. Kendall had been so excited to start "mommy preschool" I didn't know if she would be let down so I thought maybe we would do a field trip, but then decided against it. We had a fun preschool. Kendall and Maci loved it and loved having lunch from their lunchbox. Then they went back downstairs and played and I barely saw or heard from them because they were busy doing their thing. Finally I called them upstairs to put Mace down for a nap. The door knocked around 1:45 and I was running to tell Kendall not to answer it when suddenly I see Det in the family room. My first thought was that he just walked home at recess. Then I saw Allie and realized it was early out and became sooooo glad I didn't do a field trip!
So far they are both loving school and I wish it would last forever. Allie is obsessed and wants to be at school all the time. She casually mentioned how they had to come find her and her BFF at recess cause ya know, they forgot to go in when the bell rang. She'll be getting a reputation already!
Allie started talking about her crush at school and I said, "you're only 8!!! You can't have a crush on boys!!!" She said, "oh Mom, it's young love." Oy. We better keep an eye on that one.
I basically can't pay Det to tell me anything about his day. He does keep saying he's having fun and he likes his teachers so I try not to worry about it too much. Good thing I signed up to be room mom in his class so I can spy on him:) !
I can't believe my little baby girl got baptized! Allie is so awesome! Her baptism went perfectly. I knew I'd be super busy since I was getting home from girls camp the day before her baptism but thanks to my super amazing awesome husband I was able to do everything I wanted. He had the house cleaned from top to bottom. I really wanted to do Allie's pictures and since it would be better to NOT have the kids home:) we had plenty of time and did lots of awesome pics.
We made necklaces at girls camp so I made this one for Allie to wear at her baptism. One side says "Allie" and the other "CTR".
To try and get Allie to do an actual smile instead of a smile that looked like she was in pain I told her I'd give her a clue about her present (which she of course was SOOO excited to get!) She did not like my clues. When she was telling Kelly about it she said they were "horrible, horrible, and horribler." It's something. It's not something you eat. I didn't want to give it away! Dave came home from work the Friday before her birthday and he told me "I couldn't resist." He had bought Selena Gomez tickets for Allie! She loves Selena and her reaction was priceless.
Before her baptism in the same dress me and her aunts were baptized in.
Annnnnnnnnd we're back to the painful smile. Grrr!
Allie and Bishop Erickson
Allie and her first grade teacher, Mrs. Weber (she happened to be there and is in our ward).
These are the guys who were baptized with Allie. Parker and Lance.
So glad I did the pictures the day before. This is the only one I got on baptism day before she ran upstairs announcing she spilled orange soda all over it. Thankfully it all came out for church!
One year ago today I ran my first half marathon and this morning when I saw all the arrows on the half marathon path, I was so remorseful that I didn't sign up to do it this year.
Running a half marathon is not what I wanted to be doing today.
In my grand scheduled plan, I wanted to be pregnant, and thus to sick/tired/lazy/unmotivated to run (and especially train for) a half marathon.
I told Dave I thought it would take us awhile to get pregnant with baby #5 and I wasn't sure why. This was my longest gap between kids, I'm older, etc.
But right on schedule the positive test came and I could hardly believe my eyes.
When I told Dave we were having a baby, he was so excited. SO excited! None of that "how the crap am I going to be responsible for a human life?" fear that's usually the under/overlying emotion. This time, Dave was owning it. He picked me up and spun me around the kitchen and he glowed. He knows he rocks this dad-business! I couldn't wait to tell this baby the story of how, despite coming after four other pretty darn cool kids, Dad was most excited when he found out about you (then I would say, "but don't tell your brothers and sisters").
But that baby was not meant to be. And it never happens how you think it will happen and how you hear of it happening to all of your friends and relatives. Where you have lots of anxiety with that first OB appointment because what if there is no heartbeat? It didn't happen that way for me. It happened in the middle of the night. Slowly. And at first I made other excuses and I told myself that this has happened to other women who went on to have a healthy baby. But by morning time I knew I was not having a baby anymore.
Still...I had so much to do that day. I didn't want to bother Dave with it because he was going to a movie that night and I didn't want to ruin his day. Plus our cousins slept over and all the children needed entertaining. And I'll never forget bright and early in the morning having Kendall and Maci come in demanding breakfast and I thought, well, really I've got to get on with my day. So I robotically poured cereal and changed clothes and loaded dishes. My thoughts kept saying, "you have 4 healthy children, you have no right to be sad about this." I reminded myself of my sisters' who have suffered heartbreaking infertility. I thought of my mom who birthed a baby at home that was too early to take even one breath, and I was so grateful I didn't have to wrap a baby in a towel and drive to the hospital to see if maybe they could figure out what went wrong like my mom had done. I thought of my many, many friends who are aching for just one baby. And I went on with my day.
My friend recently miscarried and talked about the tender mercies involved. I saw no tender mercies, because, of course with my ability to get pregnant easily and my strong healthy kids didn't I kind of deserve this?
Kelly came to get the boys (which of course I didn't recognize at the time, but was a HUGE blessing). They were going to go to Lagoon for the day but I told her what happened and before I knew it she had all the kids (mine included) buckled in the van and was driving away. I think I pretended to protest.
When the house got quiet I sobbed harder than I remember doing in a long time. I almost sent Dave a text because I couldn't get words out and I needed him. But I SO didn't want to ruin his day (well, until later when he got home). As I cried I wonder how in the heck so many women had done this before me. I crumpled and thought how much stronger they all must be then me, because this is something I did not want to do.
I went for a run which is the best therapy in the world and I lectured myself the whole time because I couldn't stop crying and WHY was I SO sad?
Dave was strong when I told him and of course he said he was mostly worried about me. And I tried not to cry and he told me of course I would and he tried not to cry and tried to say all the right things (which what are those?)
The physical pain of a miscarriage has got nothing on the emotional mess I turned into. If Kelly hadn't had the foresight to keep me busy, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten out of bed once that week. I could not believe how sad I felt.
About the middle of the week, I went for a run again. And of course my thoughts turned to the events of the week and I started my self-running-therapy. And this was when I finally realized that this was me. This was sad and hard and heartbreaking, and it happened to me. And other people have had similar and worse heartbreaks, but I felt a strong love from Heavenly Father as I realized that I wasn't being compared to starving children in Africa, or anybody else and there problems and that I was allowed to ache for the baby I wanted but was not having.
After that things took a drastic turn for the better. Plus I have my sisters. The one in Japan who I can tell every thought that pops into my head via email and the one here who I can keep reminding about my misfortune and get some extra attention. Plus my friends have been awesome. And I noticed that my friends who've struggled so bad with miscarriages and infertility in the past have been the most sincerely concerned. Empathy. Even for me who has four healthy kids.
But man I really wanted that dang baby. And I keep trying to talk myself out of it and say, but the children are all potty-trained, and a good nights sleep is so amazing. And then I remember how sweet it is to feed a baby in the quiet house in the peaceful night. And really, I never have minded diapers all that much. So hopefully there is a little soul coming soon to my family. And that means I have to be patient. And I'm so bad at that.