Sunday, February 24, 2013

A Greater Man Never Lived

I found this letter today that Ryan wrote in psychology class in high school.  It was supposed to be opened on his 10 year reunion day.  A letter to themselves about where they hoped to be in ten years.  Ryan was always funny and his sense of humor just makes me laugh.  He must have been planning to be a seminary teacher with a lot of sweet investments on the side.  This letter was written in September of 2004, which was about eleven months after my mom died and a month before Ryan died.  I actually have a journal entry he wrote the day before his accident.  He said something along the lines of, "This is going to be the best weekend of my life!"  Do you think it was?  Probably.  He'd really been missing his mom.

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Are you married?  How long?  Yes, 6 years.

How many children do you have?  How many do you want?  2 with 1 on the way.  Want 5 or 6.

What is your occupation?  What is your annual salary?  Seminary teacher.  100 grand a year.

Describe the important personal relationships in your life?

My wife.  My kids.  My brothers and sisters! (the exclamation mark was really there-not added by me) My best friends.

What do you value most that your parents have taught you?

The church is true.

What is your financial situation? 

Very wealthy.  (Seriously?  I'm sure most kids put they were struggling with thousands of dollars in credit card debt.)

Are you currently in love? 

Yes, with my wife.

Has anyone you love died yet?

Yes. 

Are you dedicated to any "cause"? 

Of course

Do you have a mentor?  Who was your mentor in high school?

Yes, Kawa and all my coaches.

Where do you live?  Describe the living arrangement.

Huge house excellent conditions.

Do you attend a place of worship? 

Yes.

What do you do for recreation and excitement?

Sports.

My hope for the future is:  To be a millionaire.

The three most important things that have happened to me since high school are:

mission, marriage, kids

What I miss most about the "good old days" is: 

my wardies

When I die, I hope they say of me: 

A greater man never lived. 
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The second part of the assigment was to write yourself a letter about what was currently going on in your life. 
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Dear Ryan,

You are the man!  School is giving you a ton of pressue not to mention that you are very busy planning homecoming but you are way excited to go with Courtney Eddy.  You like her.  School isn't hard but you think it is.  Everyday you dread football and wrestling.  You work at Bowman's and hate it with a passion.  You wish Bowman's would blow up.  Even though school is hard you are having a blast being class vice-pres.  You are very excited for your mission.  You love companionship and will probably get married right after your mission.  Get a good job.  If you have a lot of money, your wife will love you and you will be happy.  You miss your mom.  Try to get along with your dad.  Always be happy. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS you need to stay strong in the church.  I love you.

Ryan Hill


Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love Languages

So here's an appropriate post for Valentine's.  The other day my friend said her love language is receiving gifts.  I seriously thought it was some sort of joke.  That's the worst love language ever!!!  Then, when I realized she's serious, I had to reflect on how all of us have different love languages even if some are dumb.  :)But gift receiving is NOT mine.  It's my last one.  My love language is definitely acts of service.  Dave knows this.  He is literally better off getting me nothing for my birthday then getting me a gift and not, say, bathing the kids that day.  Once he made dinner without saying, "do we have any beef?  where's the ketchup?  is this pan going to work?"  And I was all, "IS IT MY BIRTHDAY?"  When my friends get me unexpected gifts, I LOVE it because the gift is an act of service, not for the gift.  My dad always had this friend that he loved that treated us all badly and we couldn't figure out why he liked her and once he told us that she had bought him a lot of stuff.  I was like, uh, she bought you stuff?  AND???  So I guess "gifts" must be my dad's love language.  Something I will clearly never understand.  Can't buy ME love.

So it was interesting for me to reflect on the love languages of my children.  I'm curious when you can officially diagnose love language:)  Because Allie is easy.  Her's is quality time.  I even asked her, just to be sure I was right, "how do you know Mommy loves you?"  She said, "because you take me places."  She is constantly talking about our "dates".  She does not need a lot, or ANY, bells and whistles.  Getting to stay up after the other children are in bed is the best for her.  She loves getting invited out or over to someone's house for no particular reason.  She'll never, ever forget when she got to go with cousins to New Mexico.  She still talks about it all the time.

Detmer is way more difficult.  When I asked Dave about Allie, he said, "quality time."  I asked about Detmer and he said, "quality time."  It's true.  He loves our one on one dates, talks about them a lot, and always remembers when he gets special attention.  But he is also constanly saying, "I love you" and he is by far and always has been my most "cuddly" child.  He never goes to bed without a hug and kiss, whereas the other kids do it only to buy themselves a few more minutes out of bed.  He never starts heading for school until he blows me a kiss and flashes the "I love you" sign.

Here's a sidenote:  At what age would someone have to be when you figure out their love language is "acts of service".  As a mom, you do basically everything for your kids, but they take it for granted.  They don't look at it as service.  But, when I do something extra, like fill their Valentines boxes and make heart shaped pizzas, they get super excited and happy???

Kendall is easy as well.  Her's is words of affirmation.  When she does something extraordinarily good (so once per year-haha just kidding) I alway say, "WOW!  WAIT TIL I TELL DAD!!!"  And she beams!  She glows when she's given compliments and loves to be told how great she is.  She'll even remind me, "remember when so and so said I'm so funny?"  Thankfully she's easy to give compliments too:)

My Mace is still pretty spoiled in all ways.  I haven't figured her out yet.  She loves getting to stay up late, beams when she gets compliments, expects to be served every minute, and was so excited about her Valentine gift this morning she wouldn't even let me get her cereal before I had to open it.  However, when I tried to cuddle her, she was squirming to go play.  She usually only cuddles if she's super tired or if she's being bribed ("cuddle Mom or I'll put you in bed":))  So I'm thinking physical touch is not her language.  

I guess when you're the mom the trick is practicing all love languages so you make sure you're not missing anyone:) 

Six???

My favorite little buddy is six.  Ouch!  I remember yesterday when it was Valentines and I had a brand new 4 day old.  So bittersweet to watch him grow.  He is such a good guy!  I love him so much!!!  He's my low maintenance guy.  Such an easy boy.  He is the most awesome brother ever.  He spoils those girls.  The other day he and Allie were walking home and Allie's bag was really heavy.  They walked in and I said, "oh shoot, if I had remembered you had that big bag I would have picked you up."  Det says, "I know.  She made me carry it half way home."  Haha!  I know he could have said no but he's such a good hearted boy.  I think I mentioned in Maci's post that he gets her out of her crib each morning.  Today with his Valentine candy Maci kept grabbing whatever she wanted and I'd say, "ask Detmer."  And he'd say, "you want that one, Cybil?  You can have that one."  What a guy!  For his spotlight at school this week he went through and picked 6 pictures.  These are the ones he picked.  With my obsessive picture taking it was a quick process. 
 He actually wanted this one plus one of him kissing me on the cheek but I didn't want him to get teased for it.  He was insistent but I didn't print it and I'm sure he forgot. 
 His favorite guy, probably person, on the planet.  He LOVES playing with Dad.
 He wanted this one and said, "that way I can introduce my class to my family!"
He actually wanted a beach one, but he sure loves the cabin.  He's my outdoors boy.  We're all counting down to the warm weather.  LOVE THIS GUY!!!